electrics – Contemplating the divine

Fairy tale romances

Yes, more scenes from stories of brave princesses rescuing – or not – helpless knights and suchlike. A ‘happy ending’ every time – without even the need to plead and beg for it.

They get porridge to eat, of course, and it’s always ‘just right’ too, despite being cold and lumpy.

Ah, the first electric shock of married life. I remember mine so well. It’s traditional for the husband then to ask his loving wife ‘How long do I have to wear this, darling?’ to which the correct response is of course a peal of delighted laughter.

You do get a say. Not the decisive say, not even an important one, but a say, anyway. Or a squeak, at least.

It’s not as easy a life as you might imagine – those pegs hurt just as much as they would if they were suspending a ‘normal’ male body, for instance.

The grateful populace of the kingdom later began a tradition of staging a re-enactment every year, to celebrate their beloved King’s heroic deed, although obviously, lacking centaurs, they had to use ordinary horses and stable-lads.

He may have found a comfortable place to live, but he remains vigilent. As he trots obediently at her heel, or chases madly after sticks, Sir Foofles is always alert for possible witches in the vicinity, but so far he has never found any. Perhaps they don’t exist? That would certainly explain it.

A slap in the face is more effective than ten lectures.

It makes you understand very quickly.

Leopold von Sacher-Masoch wrote that. He knew a thing or two, that lad. They should name something after him, to commemorate his life and work.

Males sometimes find it hard to understand why such things matter. Most women will have a sensible answer, usually along the lines of ‘Hand me your belt and bend over that chair.’ It’s a Mars/Venus thing, just go with it.

Period pains can be pretty intense, as he’s about to find out.

Screaming in agony and pleading for mercy is just another way of giving a woman oral stimulation, if you think about it. I think about it a lot.

More electric shocks. Isn’t the modern world wonderful, with all this technology to make routine domestic tasks easier?

As it turned out, she got a bit confused over which was which, so both got punished for both. It really didn’t matter anyway, certainly not to her.

Cruellan (and Goddessian) material continues to become more and more available. Go check out the ‘SLOC’ programme and download gigbytes of sneering, beatings and delicious unpleasantness – and there are ever more magazines. ‘Is it free’? No it’s not free, you cheapskate, and nor are the best things in life. Like a lot of this stuff, though, I’m sure it’s vastly cheaper than it used to be when these things were bought wrapped in flowery paper in a Soho shop and carried home in shaking hands and breathless anticipation.

The school has a policy about bullying. So does she.

The power of persuasion

A few adverts I have come across*, while tidying my SO’s magazines.

* [Memo to self: put footnote down here with some witty innuendo about ‘come across’]

Take me, cut me to the bone

Lace and satin pressed against me. Musical link is, for once, reasonably related.

…and her beloved won’t be able to avoid any difficult conversations she may need to have with him too.

Of course, it’s important to remember these AIs aren’t infallible. It’s noticed what makes her happy – inflicting severe pain on her husband – and is responding accordingly.

Consensual, so important. Especially when things are neither safe nor even close to being sane, as here. Servitor top tip: do not try this at home! Find a nice open space outside, just in case.

Boxing stupid

Yes, it’s Boxing Day. A day I have come to realise is culturally specific to the UK and a few other places that are a bit like the UK, but not as damp and with fewer bat-tunnels. It’s one of those phrases that non-British people often fail to understand, like ‘having a fag in the back alley’ (you can also be a fag, for an older boy at boarding school, of course); or making sure ‘your child always has a rubber in his schoolbag’, as the teachers don’t provide them, or ‘letting some woman piss in your ring-gagged mouth’, which is just an idiomatic way of saying you’ll take her advice (“Oh, I don’t know which movie to go and see, darling: just ring-gag my jaw wide open and you can piss in my mouth, OK?”)*

Anyway, traditionally a day for tidying up after the excesses of the day before, although some people are more active: many hunts go out on Boxing Day, for example, with whips cracking and horns blaring as they pursure their terrified quarry across the fields, and some hardy souls even have a tradition of jumping naked into the sea, here in Britain on one of the coldest days of the year. My SO has very thoughtfully signed me up for all three of these festive activities, so I’ve no time for a themed post, just the usual dross.

Forget Kurt. Well… don’t forget him, obviously: he still needs his laundy done and his appartment cleaned. But the important thing is that your chastity regime should be right for *you* and that’s what she’s focused on.

Wow, tough situation! Thank goodness she’s there for him.

Looks like babe brought a pineapple, though, and I’m sure there are some bits of that that could be put to good use.

She was a little disappointed that Dr Taylor insisted on anesthetising you for the procedure, but there’ll be plenty of time later, when you’ll have the feeling restored in all of the bits of your body that remain attached.

I booked a ‘mean date’ session with a sex worker and she didn’t even show up! Wonderful. It’s so rare for someone just to ‘get me’ like that.

Some men find it hard to adapt to a female supremacist work environment, but it’s actually very straightforward as long as you just follow a few simple rules – or a lot of complicated rules, if that’s what she prefers.

* All right, I made that last one up. I make a lot of stuff up, here. But you should try it, I mean you never know, right? And there are never any good movies around, just after Christmas, so it’s good to find alternative ways of entertaining yourselves.

Subordinate clauses

It’s pay to play. Except when it’s ‘don’t you dare play but pay anyway’.

There were great hopes for the ‘living crash test dummy’ programme, when it was set up, but it turned out to provide data of limited medical usefulness in studying brain damage because of course by female standards, males’ brains are already damaged.

Just like my wedding night… except my blushing bride wasn’t actually in the same room as me.

Thank goodness it’s only a hypothetical question. I don’t object in principle, but can’t she see I’m busy with the ironing?

Oh… I remember this occasion. Such a bad time to sneeze.

Managing directrices

Their ‘at your desk’ service is very popular. Alternatively, they can just take control of your male employees remotely and sort the problem out that way, but most of their users prefer to watch them work in person.

Well… OK. Sounds pretty standard to me. Do they have good wi fi?

He hasn’t been told himself yet, so I expect he’s eager to hear your guesses.

The wonderful, clever and lovely Tiffany Naylor, who nayled me good and proper a few years back. I still have the warm glow.

There’s always extras. Still, probably worth it for the talented Sven. If she enjoys card games, for example, he could play Gin Rummy all evening and poker all night.

They’re not designed that way, but why not give it a go?

Just as long as she understands that she can’t force you to do anything your wife’s not comfortable with.

A woman scorning

with hellish fury…

NB: I believe there are still some problems with the antivirus thing preventing people posting comments. Obviously the fault of a male somewhere and I hope he gets his comeuppance. If you request access, I will approve and then your IP address goes on an approved list and you should be OK.