Category: cage

Infemmey

They’ve all got it… oh never mind.


I
get reward points for spending on my SubbieCard. Every time I reach a
certain threshold – a multiple of £20, actually so it’s almost every
week – I get to drop into the bank and get slapped hard across the face.







I, on the other hand, fervently hope that she’s going to behave exactly like this when we’re married.








The time’s not wasted when it’s helping the marriage to work.


















Goodness, that sounds quite scary. What a good thing there are so many competent women looking after it.








It’s a jungle out there. Much better off safe and sound behind bars.











Menial: (adj), relating to men, e.g. ‘menial tasks’


A 2% productivity boost from employing an intern for nothing?  I think the shareholders are going to like those numbers – so open wide and don’t spill a drop.




And then we’ll discuss office attire – she has some ideas for him on that.


Surprisingly, given the efforts they’ve put into his training, poochie does not always do exactly as he’s told.

Almost anything you like.

That’s actually a joke: no woman has ever fallen asleep while having sexual intercourse with me. There just isn’t time.  Or opportunity.


A fairy-tale romance

… with me as the frog.



She’s trying to de-clutter.


Should last her until the spring, her favourite time of the year, when the first fresh green nettles start to arrive.


It’s probably that damn dog.  The same one that keeps stealing her used underwear.

It’s a service industry.








I guess she would.  Vigorously, immediately and without mercy.

Imagine no possessions

It’s easy if you try – and find the right life-partner.

How do you like them apples?

Aww… that’s rather sweet.  I hope he’ll be OK after she retires next monh.
I
can’t stand those macho men who boast about the size of their chastity
belts, can you? It’s not the size that matters anyway, it’s what you’re
not allowed to do with it.

Now isn’t that just typical? Something goes wrong and she just assumes it’s Roger’s fault!  Maybe the guests got the date wrong, did she think of that? I expect Roger’ll have a few words to say to her, if he can still speak after the whipping. And if she removes the spreader gag, obviously.

Of course, if she’s fully paid up with a lump sum, then the longer he lives, the more it’ll cost the divorcee storage firm.  Still, I’m sure they won’t allow thoughts of that to divert them from behaving professionally towards him at all times.







….and just forRalph D:


Multidisciplinary

Men and their gadgets.  You can give him just as unpleasant a night with some good old-fashioned rope, a cold dripping shower and some nipple clamps.  Why does everything have to be so hi tech?

Regular readers will have gathered by now that this is a very, very hard limit for me.  I’m careful never to tell my SO, though, so it’s just a secret between you, dear Internet, and me.

Sounds like their sex life is about to improve.  Well, hers is.  His doesn’t sound like it’s worth keeping, really.

That is a lot simpler. Like her approach to marital arguments: also very simple indeed.

I am actually very sensitive to gender issues in the workplace.  Painfully sensitive, even.  When women are treated disrespectfully I feel physically bruised: sometimes immediately, sometimes a while later.


Pink? Pink? Well, what’s wrong with pink?

 Seems like you got a pink kink in your think!


Thank goodness I’m not going to be the only one there in pink, anyway.

I only went for the make-up tips anyway.
Ah – the rolling pin!  Just in that sweet spot between loving domestic discipline and cranial fracture.
Time to come out and play!

Nor are there many rhymes for “penectomy”.  I mean, you can just about work something in with “respect for me” but it’s a bit contrived, don’t you think?  And we don’t like to have excessively contrived notions here on Contemplating the Divine, as you probably know.





Violent sexual imagery

… and I just want to check none of you would be terribly offended by that?*





I think he might have forgotten, actually.  Hope they’re not too upset.








I’d like to hear the good news, very, very slowly?






As submissive as she wants, in practice.






I don’t know what I was thinking…






Men have too much stuff.  Most men do, anyway. I have an iron and a mop I’m very proud of… otherwise pretty minimalist.













* Warning: American or other readers familiar with Peter Capaldi only as the twelth doctor might find themselves disturbed by this. Possibly even ‘extremely miffed’.

At Her Majesty’s displeasure

And she’s actually having a lot more heterosexual sex than before the change, so it’s all going rather well.
 The wonderful Mistress Eleise, of course.  Do you need the link? I’m sure you’ve visited her site already, no?

Oh no, not Oliver.  I just don’t think we have anything in common, you know?
Hmmm… Maybe if she worked in metric?

Oh well.  On with the marital bliss, I suppose.

I’m usually in the corner at parties, myself.


Gender imbalance

I won’t give away the ending. Oh all right then, I will.  The book falls off and he gets the crap beaten out of him with a perspex cane. OK?


Now I understand why they make the interns wear shorts.

erm… Translation?  Rotation?  Summation?

I’ve heard that if you insult the waiting staff in some restaurants, they’ll spit into your food. But I just can’t bring myself to be other than grovellingly respectful to a waitress.  What’s a sub to do?



One day she’ll meet Mr Perfect and won’t feel the need to enslave and degrade him.  One day.