cage – Page 5 – Contemplating the divine

Multidisciplinary

Men and their gadgets. You can give him just as unpleasant a night with some good old-fashioned rope, a cold dripping shower and some nipple clamps. Why does everything have to be so hi tech?

Regular readers will have gathered by now that this is a very, very hard limit for me. I’m careful never to tell my SO, though, so it’s just a secret between you, dear Internet, and me.

Sounds like their sex life is about to improve. Well, hers is. His doesn’t sound like it’s worth keeping, really.

That is a lot simpler. Like her approach to marital arguments: also very simple indeed.

I am actually very sensitive to gender issues in the workplace. Painfully sensitive, even. When women are treated disrespectfully I feel physically bruised: sometimes immediately, sometimes a while later.

Pink? Pink? Well, what’s wrong with pink?

Seems like you got a pink kink in your think!

Thank goodness I’m not going to be the only one there in pink, anyway.

I only went for the make-up tips anyway.

Ah – the rolling pin! Just in that sweet spot between loving domestic discipline and cranial fracture.

Time to come out and play!

Nor are there many rhymes for “penectomy”. I mean, you can just about work something in with “respect for me” but it’s a bit contrived, don’t you think? And we don’t like to have excessively contrived notions here on Contemplating the Divine, as you probably know.

Violent sexual imagery

… and I just want to check none of you would be terribly offended by that?*

I think he might have forgotten, actually. Hope they’re not too upset.

I’d like to hear the good news, very, very slowly?

As submissive as she wants, in practice.

I don’t know what I was thinking…

Men have too much stuff. Most men do, anyway. I have an iron and a mop I’m very proud of… otherwise pretty minimalist.

* Warning: American or other readers familiar with Peter Capaldi only as the twelth doctor might find themselves disturbed by this. Possibly even ‘extremely miffed’.

At Her Majesty’s displeasure

And she’s actually having a lot more heterosexual sex than before the change, so it’s all going rather well.

The wonderful Mistress Eleise, of course. Do you need the link? I’m sure you’ve visited her site already, no?

Oh no, not Oliver. I just don’t think we have anything in common, you know?

Hmmm… Maybe if she worked in metric?

Oh well. On with the marital bliss, I suppose.

I’m usually in the corner at parties, myself.

Gender imbalance

I won’t give away the ending. Oh all right then, I will. The book falls off and he gets the crap beaten out of him with a perspex cane. OK?

Now I understand why they make the interns wear shorts.

erm… Translation? Rotation? Summation?

I’ve heard that if you insult the waiting staff in some restaurants, they’ll spit into your food. But I just can’t bring myself to be other than grovellingly respectful to a waitress. What’s a sub to do?

One day she’ll meet Mr Perfect and won’t feel the need to enslave and degrade him. One day.

Indignity

Try hopping back and forth from one leg to the other. That can help a lot.

Well, OK, as long as it’s safe, sane, consensual and well-deserved. Or any two of those, anwyay.

People say that to keep up a diet you have to be really strict with yourself, but I’ve found that someone else being strict works just as well.

While you’re down there, you notice Simon’s shoes are quite badly scuffed – and there’s a client meeting later. What do you do? (a) say nothing, (b) let him know or (c) give them a quick polish yourself, as you’re there anyway. Take your time, there are no ‘wrong’ answers.

Well, as long as she remembers to keep it charged this time.

Deliver us from freedom

It’s a small town, so the walk of shame afterwards will only take you 15 minutes or so.

I had a very traditional upbringing – strict discipline, cold showers, that kind of thing. It cost about £450 but it was worth every penny and I’m going back in a few weeks for another one.

Goodness, if you can’t trust your cleaner with that sort of trivial responsibility, why would you even let her into the house?

Ahhh male doms. I think male doms are just great, in their proper place.

Perhaps you’d better approach the bench.

Gynarchy for the UK

It’s coming some time…maybe.

All these are to be read out in a Bri-ish accent, orright?

Don’t worry – she’ll give her one more chance. She’s quite forgiving really. She’s just cross because she’s got to go to all the trouble of murdering you and disposing of the body, that’s all.

I myself am very firmly opposed to corporal punishment. Forunately, nobody pays a blind bit of attention to my views.

She’s good at riddles, too.

Send him out? Honestly, Henry shouldn’t let her just boss him around like that. He should stand up for himself… be a man.

He does. But I’m sure he’s grateful inside. The British Institution – not to be confused with the Royal Institution, although the one time the BBC made that mistake was the best Christmas science lecture series ever.

See if you can spot the eight men concealed within this picture!

Baby it’s cold outside

…but not quite cold enough yet for me to be allowed to sleep in the house. Never mind. Here are some wintrish captions.

It’s a bit cruel of her, to focus so much on the depressing news of our changing climate. Look how unhappy he seems.

The treatment he’s experiencing looks most unethical. I’d click to inform People for the Ethical Treatment of Males about this disgraceful behaviour, but I only have one hand free and that one’s typing.

Oh well. At least your day had the prospect of some meaning, for one brief moment. Back to your squalid and pointless existence.

The UK’s not generally known for its outdoor porn shoots: pallid, goose-pimpled flesh shivering under a grey sky isn’t really a turn-on for most punters. Femdom porn, as ever, is an exception and Cruella especially has lovingly documented the effects of the changing seasons on the male British body. The shoot above appears to me to be in early summer, when the weather is no longer wintry but is turning merely ‘bloody cold’. Impressive they managed to find a day when it wasn’t raining, too.

OWK does actually have a complaints box for its male guests, surprisingly enough. I spent six hours in it once.

Incorrigible

and believe me, several ladies quite skilled in the art of correction have tried.

Truth and consequences.

Best years of your life.

They seem rather indecisive for such otherwise forceful ladies. I hope they make their minds up soon… can’t hang about in here all day.

They don’t have tribunals for gross professional misconduct in dreams – that could be another way to tell the difference, in due course.

Good to see them upholding basic safe play standards. See, many people think pro-dommes are uncaring but it just ain’t so.